Lorena’s Epiphany

Religion is a very sensitive issue for Arabs. Most people claim to be “open-minded”, but when it comes to serious matters, it’s to each his own. I never thought I’d be on the relationship-end of this scenario – but I had to learn the hard way. Let’s reel you in first.

Lebanese will find sneaky, sneaky ways to find out what your beliefs are based on your first name, last name, dad’s name, village and mannerisms. If these don’t give you away – then they’ll just plain out ask you. Names like John and Elie tend to be classified as Christian, whereas obviously, a name like Hassan and Mohammad would be Muslim. Some names can be religiously-neutral, like Jad and Sarah.

Since my name is sort of neutral, people at my last job were stumped. I wouldn’t wear any crosses or religious symbols, and sort of dodged the topic. Nonetheless, they HAD to find out. At first, they tried those sneaky techniques aforementioned. Those clues weren’t enough, so they had to resort to just plain asking me. They actually got the secretary in my office to bluntly ask me and she’s friends with everyone, so word spread. Quickly. This actually helped me ward off creepy potential suitors who got turned off upon realizing I was Christian.

As I mentioned above, we’re open-minded – but to a certain extent. We’ll have mixed religion friends. We might even be the closest of friends and even date someone of other religions. When it comes to marriage, all that goes out the window. Especially if you plan to live in Lebanon.

Our generation has had it a lot easier than those before us, but it’s still a struggle. I have friends who have been in relationships for years, but their parents are in the dark because of the religious differences. There’s tremendous social pressure to marry someone from your religion. Bonus points if from the same sect too. If the couple is able to deal with their families, there’s still a whole other concern over their future children and how they’d be raised. Who’s to say what belief is better? Will the children grow up confused, and resort Atheism? Will the more religious parent push their beliefs unto the children? So many ways it can go.

I had to deal with this a few months ago, and it really pushed me to think about my beliefs and how much I am willing to sacrifice for a relationship. I’m hardly an expert in this, and I’m still in awe at how mixed-religion couples here manage. If the families are religious, it will come down to you and your partner versus both the families. You’d be super-lucky if they accepted it eventually. If at all. That’s why many couples resort to running away together. In extreme cases, some families stop talking to their children. Some parents come around after a few years. Again, so many ways it can go.

Right now, with enough time passed since that relationship, I am reassured by the learning experience it was. I’m more sympathetic to friends in a similar scenario, and I now know that my religion (no matter how religiously active I am) is not something I’m willing to compromise. For anyone. It’s part of who I am, and whoever truly loves me, will love that about me as well.