Lorena's Epiphany

CS + TRoL

May 8, 2007 at 2:38 am Leave a comment

“Lorena’s Epiphany” has seen better days. I’ve been doing so much mental draining at work that I lost touch of my wandering thoughts. So much has happened in the past few weeks and I’ve come to terms with the harsh realities of the business world and at the same time regained some of my naive outlooks on love. Oxymoron, right?

COMFORTABLE SEAT
On the first topic of work: I’ve made some big decisions that outweigh my own conception of their outcomes. I’ve taken a risk and I’ve opened the second chapter of my working career. A job is never just a job for me. Little do I know, graduate of less than a year – right? I’ve conversed (I love how “adult” that sounds) with co-workers and I’ve met more professionals in the past few months than I have in all four years of college. (five if you count freshman year – which only counts if you exclude all the time wasting and fooling around on the famous green oval) I’ve come to find so many people settling. Settling with the routine, with things they find completely wrong, with people they can’t stand, with jobs they don’t love. I’ll admit, I settled for a while too. Routine is nice when you’re adjusting to a new country and new people. I definately needed that stability.

And then the seat got uncomfortable because it was too comfortable. I felt a hault in my personal growth and felt trapped. Feeling like I could see my life in a few years and that didn’t fit what I wanted from life. Admist all the routine, I think I really found what I wanted and I gained alot of the confidence that I needed.

I don’t resent the routine nor all that I have gained unknowingly, because I’m sure I learned things without paying attention. I’m just glad that when the metaphorical “seat” I’m talking about got too comfortable, I had the guts to get of it. I’m still getting of the seat as some try to keep me down on it but if there’s anything I’m sure about myself, I’M STUBBORN. A blessing and a curse. Just ask my mother.

THE REINCARNATION OF LOVE
Now that I’ve drained on and on about that, here comes the interesting lovey-dovey twinkle-in-your-eyes part: L’amour. Let’s get this clear first of: I’m not in love yet. I wish I was but I have not met “him” yet. I’ve been in love. Probably two times where it was at it’s purest: a teenage love and a grown-up love. I know I felt it both times at varying degrees.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that for a while, my views of love became very cynical. You hear of so many couples breaking up, men that cheat… basically shit happens. Love itself seemed very rare and hard to come by. Even though you notice love around us every day from the way a parent hugs a son walking out of an airport terminal after weeks away or the way an old wrinkly couple hold hands in the park or even in the way a child tends to a sick pet – that’s something else. Love and relationships are too closely intwined and too easily lost among each other.

Maybe it took me being out of a relationship to see what love is. Yes, and I’ll admit, I find myself gazing at cute couples in love. Even the not cute ones become cute when they’re in love (not to offend anyone hehe).

Ok so now that I’ve come to appreciate the pure essence of love and I’ve regained hope in that “him”, I bid you farewell as I log on to msn online dating. Kidding.

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