Lorena's Epiphany

Fallen Hero

July 1, 2009 at 12:48 pm Leave a comment

A man coming out in any society is difficult, but imagine it in a society where men are raised to be heads of households and, more or less, macho. Take that and add a large religious stigma to the equation – a true struggle!

Regardless of how open Lebanese society becomes, there will always be a certain stigma to homosexuality. It’s just the way the Arab world is and any change we’re seeing today in the community has been the result of years of suppression, lying and living in denial. Some of my dearest friends are in this situation and I pray it gets easier for them.

Just recently, I was having dinner with a Lebanese couple and the husband clearly displayed all the signs of a homosexual man. He moved with a feminine grace, flicked his wrist and spoke delicately – almost like he was whispering. To be fair, I watched and waited to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just nervous, or had a gentle personality. Maybe I was reading too much into it. When he started arranging the flowers in the vase with his hand on his hip, my doubts quickly evaporated. Has society so ingrained this image of a homosexual man that we can spot it from a mile away now?

As we were leaving, it was clear that I wasn’t the only one who felt something was off. Even to the untrained “gay-dar”, it’d be hard to miss the obvious signs.

I was immediately struck with a wave of sadness. Sadness for him for being trapped in a certain role, and for having to deal with the judging eyes of a Lebanese society. Sadness for his wife, who after all, is a woman with needs, and must be dealing with her own frustrations. But most of all, I felt sadness for his children. How they must feel to explain to the world how their father behaves, and to have had to deal with it growing up. How did his son feel with a homosexual father as a role model? Does he resent him for being that way? Has he come to accept it, or will he ever?

This man is not the first – nor will he be the last – homosexual man to get married and raise kids. I admire that the parents are still together, for whatever reason, but here’s hoping the family has found a way to truly live with it.

Entry filed under: Floating. Tags: family, homosexuality, Lebanon, society, stigma.