Lorena's Epiphany

Is love a decision?

March 4, 2010 at 11:33 am Leave a comment

When I was 17, one of my close friends got married to a man she’d only actually seen for two weeks. After 6 months of online dating and getting to know each other, they both knew. We were all surprised and warning her to be cautious, but off they went into matrimony. She just knew he was the one. They’ve been happily married for almost 8 years now.

Although this wasn’t an arranged marriage by any means, there are similarities in the overall scheme of things. There’s a reason why arranged marriage last just as long as “regular” marriages or else people would have stopped doing them a long time ago. Some cultures, such as Indian culture, don’t allow for other types of marriage but here in Lebanon, it can be a choice. The man and the woman know what they are getting themselves into and the family is happy. And from what I’ve gathered so far, love does grow between these two strangers linked by marriage. You learn to love the person, they say. There can be many arguments made regarding this topic.

When I was living in Boston, I was baffled at how Arab boys would date American girls (both casually and seriously) but when it came to marriage, off to the home country they went. Off to pick a bride “whose lips haven’t been kissed by anyone but her mother’” (Arabic expression). Basically, a pure virgin. Most likely the neighbor or a relative. There are so many double-standards in this! The man gets his experience, lives and loves while the woman he marries has only him as a reference. (Or so he’d like to think.)

But before we get into a whole feminist debate, let’s go back to the original topic. That of love that can be controlled. Is love that easy to maneuver? Like a internal switch you can turn on and off when needed? Given the right amount of time spent together, that means you can grow to love anybody – even if they don’t appeal to you at first!

I’d certainly not like to think so. The times I’ve felt love have been unrestricted and unexpected. Time certainly allowed that love to deepen and grow, but there was always a spark that started it all. Without that initial spark, I would never have considered pursuing it any further.

Attraction is a very important part of that too.. both mental and physical. We all know deep down the type of person we see ourselves with, the traits that turn us on, and most importantly, those that turn us off. How can you live the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t fit that type, in the most general sense of the word?

Arranged marriages are certainly not for me, but like I said, they’ve been around for a reason. If the people in them accept them and that love does grow, then why not. When I find love, I just hope I will know it as strongly as my friend did and not let it pass me..

Entry filed under: Floating. Tags: arranged marriages, knowing, love, marriage, relationships.