Posts filed under ‘From the Heart’
The grass is not always greener..
Moving to the US (or any other country for that matter but Lebanon) is a dream for so many people here. Why is that green card, visa or foreign passport STILL the ultimate dream? Why is that STILL the solution to everyone’s problems? It’s getting old.
We live in an escapist culture here. We avoid problems by partying, over-lavishing ourselves in fancy brands and cars or surgically removing traces of our true identities. The 2006 war is the ultimate case study of how while bombs were hitting coastal towns of Lebanon, people fled to the mountains and the nightlife there boomed like never before. New pubs opened and stores saw unprecedented profits in a time of national crisis.
Every Lebanese person know this about our culture and some might even delight in the ironies, but there’s something deeper there we fail to realize. We’d rather run away from our problems than face them. It’s only natural, right? But in a country that has so much potential for change and opportunity, if we keep waiting for that first chance to leave and abandon it, what’ll be left of Lebanon?
I’ve lived outside, and I’ll admit, it certainly has its perks (and life in an organized and stable society helps), but I’ve come back and been back for almost 3 years now. Now I’m not saying that I don’t sometimes want to just put my hands up in the air and say “Enough, I’m outta here!” but I’ve come to realize that I’d be giving up too soon. And not for the right reasons at that. Also, where would I go? Where would I truly belong? I certainly didn’t belong in the US.
Every time around this season, all those from abroad come home to celebrate Christmas and the holidays with their loved ones in Lebanon. In comes the over-congestion on the roads, pubs and restaurants overflowing with customers and mixed accents in the air. Now that I’m part of the receiving party, I observe them as citizen visitors (for lack of a better word) to our country – and not necessarily in a bad way. They’re here to have fun and spend time with their families. A lot of them might complain at the lack of electricity, slow internet and traffic, but then they’re gone one or two weeks later. It now annoys me when they complain because they don’t live it every day. They’re looking at it from an outside opinion. Several of those citizen visitors go back to the countries they’re living in, smug in the fact they have it better where they’re living while those living here look at them through envious eyes, hoping they can leave soon too.
I’m tired of this “the grass is greener on the other side” mentality we have here. We have some pretty great things here and life can be good in Lebanon if you know how to see (and create) that life. It took me 6 months of kicking and screaming when I first returned to adjust, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel and we as humans can surprise ourselves in our adaptation methods. Maybe for some life away from Lebanon is working for some (or lots) of people and that’s perfectly fine. Some of my best friends are living in Dubai, Europe and the US. There’s plenty the West and other parts of the world have to offer. That’s not what bothers me but rather it’s the “let’s leave this god-forsaken-life here in lebanon” view we’ve had for far too long and those who think that those living here lack ambition and are doomed for a hard life. Things HAVE changed since you left buddy.
Ok, so there are many, many problems here that are out of our hands and I dream of the day we have the right representative in our country to steer things the right way, but that’s a dream we’re all waiting for. Corruption, theft, lack of security, disregarded human rights and other major issues are in the hands of the leaders of our country and it’s them that need to make a change. But if we (the ambitious, educated, inspired youth) keep leaving the country just because of its problems, who’ll be left to fix things?
You might be reading this post and thinking “Ah, poor thing.. such an idealist girl. Join the club!” and maybe I’m just reiterating things that many before me have said, but here’s hoping there are others like me reading this that have returned and making something out of there lives here to stand as examples. I was part of the generation who fled the 2006 war and started a life abroad. Some of my friends ended up staying abroad for mostly career development and opportunity reasons, but when I returned in 2009, I noticed a pattern of others returning too. Some didn’t last too long and went back, but they tried. A lot of the returnees are still here and it’s created a bit of a club among us. We’ve been there, we’ve tried it, we’ve returned. What brought us back? Everyone has their own reasons, but the fact that people are returning should be an indicator of change.
Lebanon is not for everyone, even for some Lebanese, but it’s got something special. If you want to leave, that’s fine. On the contrary, I say try living abroad, try living here and then make your own free-will decision of where you want to live – just don’t expect that to be the ultimate solution to all your problems if that’s the main reason you want to leave. Even countries we regard as “perfect” have their own problems so the grass is not always greener on the other side. You might just not know it (or be able to picture it) from this side of things.
The problem, in my opinion, lies in how we perceive our country. Lebanon’s been regarded as a battered child for so long post-civil war and other political problems that no one is noticing that battered child is growing into a beautiful young adult. If we look at it through a different lens, living here is not that bad after all.. and don’t let someone else convince you otherwise.
Good Night SMS
You know you’re in a relationship when you suddenly start getting (and sending) good night texts on your phone.
That’s romance for this generation’s couples and one of the small ways to show you’re thinking about that special someone in the next-to-most-intimate-way you can reach them – via their phone. No matter how silly or corny these messages are, they’ll invariably put a smile on your face. And if you don’t receive one of those messages one night, you get to wondering: Is something wrong? Is he/she ok? Are we ok?
Has our phone’s inbox become a the cupid of romance? You can say so in keeping up with technology and society’s habits. In my opinion, love texts remain somewhat more intimate than love emails yet nothing beats a handwritten love letter (feel free to call me old-school). One day when you’re old and you’ve discarded of your iPhone and Blackberry (that day will happen), all that will remain is that which can be put in your hands. Printed out love texts or emails don’t have the same sentiment as someone’s actual handwriting
For all of you that disagree and find phone texts incredibly sexy, here’s some ultra-corny good night texts to spark some romance:
I’ve gone to bed happy, i’ve gone to bed mad, and sometimes I’ve even gone to bed sad, but when I go to bed thinking of you, that’s when you know I’ve gone to bed glad!
My day may be hectic, my schedule may be tight, but I would never let the day end without saying “Goodnight”.
As you go to bed tonight,I beg the moon to give you light, telling my angels to hug you tight and make sure you will be alright. I ask the gentle breeze to kiss you goodnight!
I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers, turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me goodnight! (I just realized that someone once sent me this one. Sounded familiar!)
If you find yourself in a room filled with bloody walls and thumping sounds, don’t worry – you’re just in my heart. (Kinda creepy, no?)
This generations love letters. Image Source: Gather.com
If you simply can’t get enough of these texts and want more, visit this link.
Now readers, I want to hear from you: what was the most romantic good night text you’ve ever received or sent?
The Opposite of Sex
Would you ever mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend had close friends of the opposite sex? If so, why?
A few years ago, I’ll admit, it would have bothered me and it has with two of my past ex-boyfriends. There were several opposite sex friendships a previous boyfriend had that didn’t make me feel comfortable. I’d observe their closeness and feel threatened that there might be “something more” between them – and that “something more” was often lacking in our connection. As much as I tried to curb that particular unease in those previous relationships, it eventually becomes a bigger issue and eats you up. Then you’re faced with the dilemma of being the jealous girlfriend if you decide to bring it up with that person and the way they view you is forever changed. Those feelings, reflecting on it now, proved right for one of those relationships (finding text messages hitting on girls on his phone by accident one day) and proved completely wrong another time (the relationship was lacking genuine intimacy and he viewed that girl as a little sister, nothing more).
What's better? Image Source: My Life's Epic Mindset
With time and experience (there’s always a positive to that), I’ve come to realize that those feelings were not about the friend but rather that there was something missing in the relationships to start with. Maybe you feel you’re not connecting that well or perhaps you started off on the wrong foot with that person. That was the case one time after dating someone who’d recently broken up with a long-term girlfriend. The distrust stemmed from that as I worried he’d do the same to me and I reflected that onto the closest woman in his life after me, that friend.
When the relationship between a guy and girl is strong and there’s genuine trust, friends of the opposite sex are not a threat. On the contrary, they’re an asset like any friendship or person you connect with in life. Think about it this way: if they wanted to date that person, don’t you think they would have by now? Why are they wasting their time with you if they’d rather be with someone else? And more importantly, would you be ready to cut off your friendships just because of a jealous partner? That’s just silly and if you are, then those friendships obviously don’t mean that much to you. Not to mention that a jealous partner often has much bigger control issues and that’s just the beginning of what he/she will be willing to ask you to sacrifice.
Keep in mind, it’s not just one-sided. It has been the case a few times that the guys I’m friends with are the ones that suddenly flip a 180 and become distant. It really hurts to think you’re disposable in that person’s life just because they’re in a relationship now. Even worse, if you’re single at the time they start that relationship. I’ve lost several guy friendships due to controlling girlfriends and it’s forever changed how we interact together. I’ll be honest, I resent those girlfriends for firstly not having enough trust in their boyfriends and secondly for thinking I’m the kind of person who might consider “stealing” their boyfriends.
Image Source: My Reviewer
Remember, it’s completely healthy to have opposite sex friendships. I value the close guy friends I have in my life and who I’ve known for years now. I regard them as brothers, even pesky as brothers at times, yet they’re someone I can talk about non-girlie things and can always count on to give me an honest guy’s perspective to any dating dilemma I’m going through. We laugh, we joke around and we’re there for each other when we need it. The only difference with those friendships and the girl-girl friendship I have is that they’re guys (for avoiding the more obvious crass distinction).
Fortunately, the guy I’m dating now and have been dating for the past two years (almost) doesn’t make me feel any unease and I admire that so much in him. On the contrary, he has actually become good friends with those guys in my life. Sometimes they’ll even go for coffee or drinks to catch up on guy stuff (yup, without me). It makes things so much easier to be yourself when the person you’re with has full trust in you and the relationship. For as long as the relationship is going well, no ex, no guy friends and nothing can deter that.
I wish more people would realize that and loosen the reigns on their partners. Just remember, if your girl/boyfriend was going to cheat with you on a close girl or guy friend, then they eventually will (sorry to say) so let them be themselves and if they do end up cheating, leave them. But until then, give your full trust and let the relationship take it’s natural course.
If there’s anything I’ve learned, you can’t control anyone but yourself so keep your eyes open and if, and only if, they give you a genuine reason to be jealous or hurt you, then you simply need to be strong enough to show them the door.
And then look for someone better who will respect you and your feelings..
Anaïs Knows Best
I’m in love with Anaïs Nin’s quotes – these ones in particular:
“People living deeply have no fear of death.”
“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?”
“Luxury is not a necessity to me, but beautiful and good things are.”
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
“I hate men who are afraid of women’s strength.”
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
“You don’t find love, it finds you. It’s got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what’s written in the stars.”
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”
“Sometimes we reveal ourselves when we are least like ourselves”
[Quote Source: Good Reads]
Hajiz el Afkar
I don’t get it. My pink notebook is filled with jotted down thoughts of things to write about but unfortunately the words just aren’t flowing. I had started a post about fear (a subconscious fear, not the kind of fear of bugs or horror movies), but cross that. It wasn’t even making sense to me after a few paragraphs. I wanted to write a post about social activism, but again, what am I trying to truly say about that? I promised a friend I’d write a post about their film, but the word document is staring at me blankly with an almost “is this the best you can do?” raised eyebrow expression.
For fear of sounding like everyone else, I end up sounding like no one. What’s holding my mind back from unleashing my thoughts at their purest? Does knowing that others are reading my blog filtering my words through a publicly-accepted funnel? (Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely love that people are reading, but does people knowing who I am in person hinder the rawness of my writing it like it is?)
How do you unblock in such circumstances – especially when you know there’s something stirring inside you want to let out? Here’s hoping that’s just a phase brought on by an over-worked mind focussed elsewhere. Wouldn’t it be great to set aside at least 2 hours in the work-day just for blogging? I’d totally design a “Don’t Disturb – I’m blogging” sign just for that occasion (and if time was ever-so-generous with me) but then again, wouldn’t that make blogging less natural or spur-of-the-moment?
Dear Hajiz el Afkar, let me pass.
