Posts filed under ‘Mindtwist’
Feeding the Lion
Dreams are a strange thing.
Psychologically, they mean you’ve reached your ultimate state of relaxation – the REM cycle – so that’s always a positive indicator of a good night’s sleep, but emotionally, dreams can jump into your consciousness (where sometimes they don’t really belong) and get you thinking all day.
Image Source: Real Magick
I love dreaming and enjoy the morning-after feeling when you can actually remember the dream. Not everyone can, so I savor those mornings and try my best to capture them for as long as possible. During some periods of my life, I’ll have very elaborate dreams, dreams that make me wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Those dreams are often very strange and mysterious, which is why since I’ve been 20, I’ve kept a copy of Tony Crisp’s “Dream Dictionary” by my bed. It’s around the thickness of an encyclopedia and literally has every thing or scenario your subconscious could possible conjure in a dream, but you also have to know how to pick it apart the right way.
Now although I don’t always agree with the interpretations, and like such things as horoscopes where no two astrologers will have the same reading, it’s nice to know I have a starting point for understanding them better. My friend’s mom is also great at interpreting dreams but she lives in Dubai, so the book will have to do.
I woke up this morning intertwined in the dream I’d just had. Don’t you just love that feeling? Right before I had a chance to get out of bed to write it down, my boyfriend called so I was able to recount the dream to him before I could forget it. If you can’t write it down, telling it to someone is almost like backing it up on a hard drive. Then that dream is yours for at least a few more hours of that day.
So you must be wondering by now, what was that dream already? (and if you’re into interpreting dreams, some insight would be much appeciated)
Somewhere in between my 2nd or 3rd REM cycle last night, I entered another world. Suddenly I was at a large amusement park area, it was a bright shiny day out and there were lots of people around. I was one of the event organizers (which is ironic as that’s all I’ve been doing lately in real life. That’s a big sign I need a break) and we were busy setting up a huge show. Our team was big and I remember sitting in an office-like room away from the center stage guest area with our laptops going over the details of the show. Suddenly, one of the other organizers pulls me out and tells me it’s time. Dream-me seemed to have forgotten what that would mean until she walked with me out of the room, leaving my laptop and phone behind on a couch, and told me I’d be feeding a lion. We’d promised our guests that so I had to deliver. Scared sh@%less doesn’t begin to explain how I felt. I kept trying to back out of it, but she kept pushing me on: “No, it has to be you. It’ll be completely safe – you’re working with pros.”
Looks so sweet and fluffy doesn't it? Image Source: Helping Animals
After several resistant “no, I can’t”s and “do I really need to do this?”s, I made it into the backstage area of a large buzzing arena with nothing seperating me and a hungry lion but an iron bar door. As the zookeepers helping backstage began to cut the meat, they tried to soothe me “Don’t worry, just walk in like your boss and start feeding him. We do it all the time.” but all the while I’m thinking: What if that lion is having a bad day? What if he doesn’t like the meat I give him? What if he simply doesn’t like me (or rather, would like a piece of me)?
That’s the thing with lions, you can’t really guess what they might be thinking and that’s what was terrifying me – that unknown. As time slowly passed in the waiting area facing the cage, I grew quickly more nervous. The meat had to be sent back – it wasn’t fresh and the lion was now waiting at the iron bars obviously as impatient as I was to get this over with. Another 20 minutes later, I was handed a pail full of meat and shoved towards the iron door. The lion was now back at the center stage of his cage so I’d have to walk all the way towards him to feed him (what if he jumped at me as I made my way over? what if he thought I was the meal?). And that my friends, that moment of anticipation is when I woke up. My subconscious should be a thriller film director because I woke up thirsting for more. What had happened to me? Did the lion eat me? Was I able to show him I was boss by walking proudly in, feeding him, receiving public applause and walking victoriously out?
I’ll never know and neither will you I guess. But as a firm believer that dreams aren’t just there to entertain our brains, I’m sure there’s something there worth analyzing. The Dream Dictionay wasn’t of much help this time unfortunately so I’m left to my own interpretations: Am I worried about some big event coming up? Who’s the metaphorical lion I’m afraid of facing? And would I ever, in real life that is, consider entering a lion’s cage for the experience?
Guess that’s something to add to the list of things one must try once in their life, even if it was all my subconscious’ fault for giving me that idea in the first place. And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to face that fear that I couldn’t in the dream.
Would I ever be able to do this?
The Secret Life of … Lebanese Lingerie!
I’m not sure if you’ve come across a copy of Malu Halasa and Rana Salam‘s “The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie” (published a while ago) but it’s truly something and lately with all the Bras for a Cause bra production stuff going on, it manages to make a steady appearance on my studio coffee table for reference (and a good laugh).
What’s ironic to me is how it’s always the most conservative countries in the Arab world that tend to have the most outrageous undergarments. Some of the designs in the book that the two ladies found in Syrian Souk el Hamadiyeh are simply ridiculous – panties with a plastic phone (one missed call my place, two missed calls your place?), plastic birds glued onto the bra cups and a toy scorpion in “certain places” where obviously no scorpion should ever be! This is one of those things that you need to actually see to believe how outrageously hilarious some of the designs can be and it’ll always be followed by the unavoidable “Who would actually wear this?” (that you probably don’t want an answer for).
I didn’t have to travel to Souk el Hamadiyeh, or even Syria, to find some similar lingerie set. They found me right here in Lebanon and were actually given to me as a sort of practical joke from a lingerie producer I met. Guess the Lebanese lingerie market has it’s own secret life too:
Have you been naughty or nice? 
S&M meets the "Sesame Show"
Fluffing feathers..
Recurring Tales of the Bullshit Businessman
My father once explained to a friend of mine how he regarded working in Saudi Arabia: “In Saudi Arabia, people are generally very honest when it comes to business. You can consider 70% to be honest and only, say, around 30% tend to be otherwise. In Lebanon, it’s vice versa. Only 30% tend to be honest and you have to deal with other 70% dishonest ones.”
When I first heard his words, I rolled my naive eyes. I’ve always known the general system and politics were corrupt here but I always believed if I was honest and professional, I’d receive the same treatment back. This past year’s brought to light the harsh reality I was avoiding eye contact with: My dad was right.
His words now come to mind every time I’m met with a new project and venture into the business side of things – even when you’ve struck an agreement, things always seem to change. People will always try to find ways to get more out of the deal than initially agreed upon. That’s why I’ve come to always request things in writing. I used to, again naively, think that writing an agreement added tension to a working relationship especially since here many businesses run on friendships and people tend to be a lot more informal than in the US. It’s all about creating alliances – whether it’s old family friendships, gifts, similar political or religious views, or even just the fact that your “important”. Everyone wants to work on a prestigious project or with someone prestigious. It’s never JUST about the work.
Adding to dealing with what I not-so-lovingly like to refer to as “Bullshit Businessmen” who’ll say all that you want to hear to land the client, I’m a young woman working in a country driven by power-hungry men. As if they needed any more reason to not take me seriously, I don’t have a ring on my finger (married women get more respect in our society) and I’m below the age of 40 (mature women also get more respect because they’re regarded as such). Try as you may, they will never take you that seriously here and don’t even think of correcting the bullshit businessman – their egos are as delicate as eggshells.. and no one wants to work with a bruised Lebanese ego!
If you know or have worked with the kind of businessman I’m talking about (especially the women reading this), then I want to hear from you. How do you deal with such characters?
Hajiz el Afkar
I don’t get it. My pink notebook is filled with jotted down thoughts of things to write about but unfortunately the words just aren’t flowing. I had started a post about fear (a subconscious fear, not the kind of fear of bugs or horror movies), but cross that. It wasn’t even making sense to me after a few paragraphs. I wanted to write a post about social activism, but again, what am I trying to truly say about that? I promised a friend I’d write a post about their film, but the word document is staring at me blankly with an almost “is this the best you can do?” raised eyebrow expression.
For fear of sounding like everyone else, I end up sounding like no one. What’s holding my mind back from unleashing my thoughts at their purest? Does knowing that others are reading my blog filtering my words through a publicly-accepted funnel? (Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely love that people are reading, but does people knowing who I am in person hinder the rawness of my writing it like it is?)
How do you unblock in such circumstances – especially when you know there’s something stirring inside you want to let out? Here’s hoping that’s just a phase brought on by an over-worked mind focussed elsewhere. Wouldn’t it be great to set aside at least 2 hours in the work-day just for blogging? I’d totally design a “Don’t Disturb – I’m blogging” sign just for that occasion (and if time was ever-so-generous with me) but then again, wouldn’t that make blogging less natural or spur-of-the-moment?
Dear Hajiz el Afkar, let me pass.
The Land of Broken Promises and False Personas
As much as I’m enjoying living in Lebanon, there are so many things I can never quite get used to and they all tend to fit within the professional setting. (surprise, surprise) I wonder at times how things ever get done reliably here and how certain businesses are still thriving with all the corruption going on within them.
We know it, the tourists know it and all the travel guides gush about it – Lebanese people are known for being hospitable and very welcoming people. Enter the “yes” people-pleasing mentality that works fine when you’re trying to make friends or helping others. However, that same “yes” personality trait when used in the business setting comes off as an informal promise and can be just the encouragement you need to keep pursuing a possible collaboration. It’s that green light to keep investing valuable time and effort in meetings and follow-ups. As such, this “yes” can have the reverse effect if used too lightly or not really intended to be a “yes” but more accurately, a “yes, we’re thinking about it”.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather hear a “maybe” or even a flat-out “no” (with explanation preferred) than be mislead into an informal “yes” keeping my hopes high. This is especially a problem when it comes to big companies in Lebanon who, I’ve come to experience firsthand, are quick to say “yes” but then withdraw last minute and expect you to smile and move along. Until something is written on a formal paper, I no longer trust the “yes” – both for my own sanity, self-preservation and to direct my energies somewhere more efficient. I’m tired of always giving people chances only to be lead on a broken promise.
Big companies here also have no problem stringing you along until last-minute, well, unless you’re someone famous, rich or someone who could make them potentially famous or rich. It’s all about prestige – both in the business setting and in society as a whole here. Forget about trying to start out on your own fair-and-square (aka without wasta) and working hard to achieve your goals, this won’t get you very far here as many disenchanted others will agree.
Just to top it off, everyone here is an entreprenuer or would-be entrepreneur. The business strategy I so admire in the USA and other Western cultures is that team-work is just as valued a trait as entreprenuership. I’m not saying it’s not an admirable trait and I respect that Lebanese are so driven to do their own thing, but many forget about other aspects of running a business – such as understanding others’ needs and focussing more on team-building for the people that will eventually work with you. Unfortunately, that tends to come last on the list of priorities. Restaurants in Lebanon are an exception and they tend to be the most conscious of the value of teams and take their customer service seriously. How many times have you gone to a restaurant where the waiter or waitress didn’t ask if you were fully satisfied with your meal and service?
Obviously, there’s plenty of room for improvement in how businesses are run in Lebanon and it all comes down to how professional and respectful the lowest peg on the hierarchy is. If customer service is rude to me, I will naturally see the company in a different way and think twice about working with them again. The whole “customer is always right” approach works differently here and to be more accurate, it’s more like “convince the customer that you are right” (and we’ll give you a bonus for saving us money).
I’m not saying I’m not guilty of having said “yes” instinctively without realizing my workload and other commitments, but I’m taking big steps towards changing that. I’m becoming more confident about saying “no” and not worrying about hurting the other as in the long-run, I’m being more fair to the both of us. Even a “maybe” needs to be carefully used in conversation as it indicates some hope for someone who’s counting on your help for work, a project or other form of collaboration. But I’ll still take a “maybe” over a false “yes”.
Everything – from business, society, traffic, politics and other problems we constantly complain about – can be resolved if people simply consider others beside themselves and had common courtesy. I’m tired of this “me” society and wishing (maybe in vain) that it will slowly start to change towards a “we” society – and not just for political rallies, but daily life where it’s most needed.
